april in review, 2019

Another busy month, preceded by a busy one and sure to be followed by yet another. I am a shell of who I once was. I am nothing but a work machine. My back and wrist will never recover. My exams have permanently destroyed my already shot carpal tunnel.

An extremely bittersweet month as well. I carry a lot of sadness with me as April ends, and as much as it has thrown me into the grinder, I can say this is doubtlessly one of the best months I’ve ever had. Fitting, as an end to one of the best semesters I’ve experienced in all my years in school.

So, in honour of that, I will start this post with the con, because there’s really only one, and this term ending is it. So, so, so awful a feeling it will forever define how I remember this month.

I complain (and will keep complaining) about how hectic it has been—and that remains valid—but this is also the closest I’ve felt to being my ideal self. Prolific, sleeping and eating semi-regularly if as little as ever, content with small bursts of genuine socialization while still having lots of time to myself to breathe and recharge until the next thing drains me. And then repeat. I’ve been blessed with so many lovely friends this term, new and old, and while I was content with my vast social world in university before this—people I met in first year from across different faculties, former co-workers from the school newspaper, all the other extracurriculars I took in between everything else—there is also something special about forming quieter relationships without expecting them, much less seeking them out.

Making friends with people in classes without being thrown into group projects with them, or being thrown into group projects without the anxiety of wondering if someone will want to be in a group with you—both of these have just been so, so appreciated, as simple as they are. I have not once dreaded going to school this term, which probably explains why this is the best my attendance record has ever been, my elementary and high school years included.

I was so busy in the last weeks of school that I don’t think I was as present as I should have been. I regret that so much now; my sentimental bone hurts every time I think about it. I was aching so much when I left my last class of this term, it’s not even funny. I haven’t felt like that since my last exam of high school, and even that had been nothing like how I felt last April 9th.

But beyond it all, I’m thankful. I’m so, so thankful, for all the people and things that have made me happy this term, profs and classmates and co-workers and friends and acquaintances. This semester will not be what it is if not for all these different facets coming together. It doesn’t remove the sadness left behind by all the brilliant people and friends I’ll be saying goodbye to after this school year, but I’m grateful I got to experience one last fruitful semester content and more productive than I’ve ever been.

That said, I only have two things great enough to be worth noting above the blur that this month has otherwise been:

  • Run With The Wind, a sports anime that probably shouldn’t even be called that because there’s so much about it that doesn’t fall in line with all the others ones I watched. I just want to talk to whoever decided the second ending song plays after Haiji doing the thing in the last episode. They timed the beginning of the vocals perfectly and I hate them for it. I can’t listen to this song without going through fifty emotions, which is really tragic because Miura Taichu has some bops. (This song probably deserves its own spot as a favourite, as well as the first ending.) Please license the source novel for translation.

  • no name Crispy Rice, which is really just No Frills’ Rice Krispies. My Broadway prof gave these out on my last exam and god, they were eye opening. The rice crispy hype was one of those things I never understood when I first came to Canada, but I get it now. I really, really do. I apologize to all the white teens I doubted.

Anyway. I am exhausted. I’ll be turning a year older next month with half of my soul intact. Welcome to adulthood, I guess. Less and less of you every year. At least I have bootleg Rice Krispies.